It's not my problem.

It’s not my problem. 

It seems like lately everywhere I go I keep hearing people say, “That’s not my problem.”  Or they just don’t say anything at all when a problem presents itself and avoid helping by omission.  This especially seems true the more children I have.  I don’t remember people being particularly unhelpful when I was childless or even when I had just one child.  However, now that I have two children I feel like the world just might be ignoring me when I am struggling to get out of a taxi with a baby in my arms, a two year old dashing out into the street, and a bulging diaper bag. 

This unhelpfulness was especially pronounced on a recent trip to Europe.  Now, I know many people would say I am an idiot for trying to take two tiny children to Europe; I’ll give them that.  Despite my lack of forethought and my stupidity I have to ask, how can you stand by and watch a woman dragging her toddler through the Paris airport (while trying to carry a baby, carryon bag, oh and don’t forget the toddler’s princess backpack that she insisted on bringing) and do nothing?  Or mockingly smile at said mother?  I asked several people for help in this airport and people would very curtly say, “No.”  There was no elaboration; no “I’m sorry.”  They just said no or said nothing at all. 

On the same trip I also met a man who flat out told us, “This is not my job to help you.” (Insert French accent)  He told my family and I this when we arrived at our hotel at midnight with two children and our monstrosity of a double stroller and the elevator was broken.  He was the night clerk and to his credit did offer to help us carry it up the stairs but made it very clear that this was neither his job nor his problem.  He also said he had three children from three different mamas and worked 7 days a week so I do understand the man has a lot on his plate. 

France is not the only place where people are unhelpful.  People are equally unhelpful in the United States as well.  I’m not sure that this is a matter of geography so much as a lack of manners and caring.  Some people are very helpful.  The French redeemed themselves in many ways on this trip.  Just the other day while getting into a taxi in Bogota with my toddler in my arms my ankle rolled and I fell flat on my face in the middle of the street.  Three men saw me and rushed to my side.  They picked up my bag and helped me get up and into the cab, and they didn’t steal anything (this is always a plus in a big city).  So there are helpful people everywhere, and there are assholes everywhere too. 

I think a person’s degree of helpfulness just depends on which season of life they are passing through.  When I was a young person I probably wasn’t as helpful to others because I didn’t require as much help myself; I thought everyone could do things as easily as I could.  Now that I am a mother with two children who try my patience by the minute, I need more help so I think that I am probably a more helpful person to others these days. 

If you are one of the two people who might read this (because who wants to read an article about being helpful) I beg of you, I implore you, when you see a mother who is in over her head and has multiple children and baggage (literal and figurative) hanging from her body and looks like she might just chuck it all and head for the Bahamas please ask what you can do to help.  Even if she declines your help she will appreciate the thought and the fact that the world is not ignoring her.