A funny thing happened on the way to the gym.

A funny thing happened on the way to the gym, that’s how I’ll start my story.  When we first moved to Bogota my husband and I joined a gym.  It seemed like an excellent idea at the time; $20 per month, lots of amenities and walking distance from our apartment.  This was finally going to be the year that I got myself to the gym every day.  The gym was even named Hardbody which had to mean something, right? 

Early into my tenure at the Hardbody, I woke up one morning ready to propel myself to the optimum fitness level that the name of this gym entailed.  I decided to go for a 3 mile run before going to the gym to get warmed up.  Now once upon a time I was an avid runner but after having two children and all of the mounting responsibilities that come with these little cherubs I just don’t get out running that often, let alone running at 8,000 feet above sea level.  So a 3 mile run in and of itself was ambitious to say the least.  I set out on my hard body quest at a brisk pace taking in the view of the mountains and the smog from city buses.  I love smog by the way; it makes me feel like I’m right in the middle of the action.  One thing I have to mention before I go any further with my story is that Bogota’s sidewalks and streets are not exactly runner friendly.  There are lots of potholes and the sidewalks are made out of giant bricks, all of which are loose and easily tripped on.  So about a mile into this run one of those bricks became my nemesis and knocked me flat on my face.  I was running and I saw it right in front of me, the brick sticking up out of the ground, but there was nothing I could do to stop myself.  I hit the brick with full force and there I went rolling down the sidewalk.  I mean I actually rolled down the sidewalk.  After the rolling was done, I sat on the sidewalk stunned, bruised and scuffed up.  An old man came over to help me up.  When he offered me his hand he said, “That is very dangerous, you shouldn't be doing that.”  I’m not sure if he was referring to the running or the rolling. 

I was beaten up by that sidewalk and I contemplated not continuing on to the gym for the rest of my workout but I said to myself, “No, I must continue on, no excuses.”  I forgot to mention earlier that I really enjoy torturing myself.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m tough or just stubborn but it is often the bane of my existence.  So on I went to the gym determined to continue my workout.   Once at the gym I grabbed one of those big exercise balls.  I usually use it to lean up against the wall while I do squats.  In this gym, space is at a premium so there were not a lot of spots to do this.  I opted for the glass wall that divided the group exercise room and the weight room.  I started squatting and jamming out to belligerent rap music on my iPod.  I stopped to take a break and noticed that the glass was cracked.  Yikes!  I didn't know what to do.  Before I knew it a trainer was in my face telling me, “You broke the glass, you broke the glass!”  I said, “I’m not sure if I broke it, I didn't hear anything break.  Maybe it was like that?”  Then two more trainers came to tell me the same thing and I was ordered to the manager’s office.  I felt so embarrassed.  As humiliating life moments go this one was probably in the top ten.  I felt like the big blonde gringa elephant breaking stuff everywhere I turned and to top it off I was being called to the principal’s office.  I called my husband hysterical and told him what had happened.  He told me to be a big girl and just go talk to the manager.  Once in the manager’s office she told me that they had me on video breaking the glass with the giant exercise ball, which they had watched over and over just to be sure.  She told me I would have to pay for the glass.  I slinked home in horror with a scraped up knee and a very bruised ego. 

My husband went the next day and watched the video with the manager to be sure that what they were saying was true.  It was indeed me who broke the glass partition.  My husband thought it was quite amusing, hilarious even. 

This was a day that started out so promising with hopes of having a “hard body” which ended in yet another day with a soft body.  Sometimes the universe is telling you to just take your soft butt home.